Green Doesn't Suit Me

Oh, you cellular mobile telephones. You think you’re just so fancy roaming the streets cordless and unattached. You’re taken for granted, that’s for sure. You’re blamed for accidents and not paying attention to life. Back in the day when I was the favorite, I never caused any disturbances. Not one accident. People appreciated my services. They would even wait in line to get a feel on me. I never saw it coming where I would no longer be of service to anyone. I feel so useless all day. It’s the best feeling in the world to have purpose, to be needed, and used for good. I want to be there if a father gets off of work and wants to call his family at home. Now, these little social disturbances are in every hand at every waking moment. I don’t understand humans, you know? Gramps always told me that green doesn’t suit me. It wasn’t until these little obnoxious toys came into play that I understand. By green he meant envy. And that color doesn’t suit anybody.

Rumor Has It

There’s this rumor going around about this one pay phone in the city. He’s apparently in great condition still. Of course he would be. He stays at the Fairmont on Mason Street. He is beautiful, and lovely, and has a British accent. Whatever. I bet his dials are crooked. I don’t know the accuracy of this information, but I heard he was in the new Maroon 5 song Pay phone. Adam Levine would love me so much more. I’m quite charming and have character leaking out of my dial tone. I don’t mean to be jealous of this pay phone who was never gotten his handle dirty, but I’ve just seen so many things in my life. I’ve been captured by crack heads who thought I was an alien. That was a weird phase in my life. I’m the grand- phone of a famous telegraph. I do matter, for Christ’s sake, but lately I feel like I’m the object of ridicule. 

The Problem with Nice Customers

I can’t even begin to tell you some of the things I’ve seen. My Gramps used to say how good of a people-watcher I am. You might have met him; he’s quite famous. The last thing I heard was that he was in a museum going to India for whatever reason. Oh, so back to my story. It was probably 4 years ago. I live right above the Civic Center station. There was this clean-cut guy who used my services every Thursday night at 8:15 on the dot. He had a buzzed head and a scruffy beard. I liked him. He used to always talk about his girlfriend Molly, the snow, and China. He was a smart fellow. Probably studied International Relations or something. Well, one Thursday he seemed a bit off. His voice was shaking and he kept looking around. It’s not the nicest of neighborhoods so I understand, but I have

always felt safe. He was rambling on about how excited he was to go snowboarding because there was supposed to be a big snowstorm. He was getting angry about timing being off, which is weird because he already missed rush hour traffic. What more does he want? All of a sudden, I was surrounded by a dozen or so police officers. They were yelling at him to drop to the ground. I tried to tell them that he was a good guy, but nobody could hear me. Actually, he was probably the nicest customer I had. I really don’t like guns so I was uncomfortable beyond all measures. He eventually dropped to the ground with his arms and legs spread apart. He was handcuffed and placed in the police car. While they read him his Miranda Rights, his face lost all color. I feel so sorry for that poor guy. He always treated me well and fed me only the shiniest of coins. I hope Molly visits him often.

Funny Story

Slam me down again. Just one more time. I miss being talked to and touched. It’s the little things, you know?  I’ve been here alone for so long, and all I do is think. Think and wish. More than anything, I wish that it were a different time. Back when everyone needed me and couldn’t get enough. The lower left side of me has been chipped for about 8 years now. Funny story actually. This kid, about 6 or 7, was just learning to ride a bike without training wheels. A little young if you ask me, but I’m an old soul. Anyways, this kid was getting the hang of it, when all of a sudden a Great Dane decides to relieve pay phones received attention. I got stared at while these humans walked passed me. Okay. So it wasn’t a funny story. Sue me.

himself right in front of me. Incredibly rude! I’ll digress. So, this kid wasn’t paying attention when he suddenly looks up, sees the dog, and slams on his brakes. The loud squeak startles the dog who ferociously whips around getting his own feces on his tail. He spins halfway the other way soiling this hippy chick, speaking into a buddy next to me, and then freaks out and slams my lower half against the dial pad. After that, I was never top choice again. All of the other